We talked on the phone tonight. He was my old Dallas man.
He kept telling me how he cared for me- at one point he slipped and said he loved me- than said he cared for me deeply. As soon as he said love my skin crawled with fear and anxiety. When he was saying how much he cared it made me tear up… 1) because I just got my period today 2) because it was just so so so sweet… It felt so nice to hear someone express their sincere feelings towards me. Very nice. It took me back to the peace and joy I felt when Dallas first entered my life.
He is my 5o shades of fantasy… He provides the sex I desire and crave. Also the lifestyle and spoilage I wish to experience. This phone call… It made me fantasize about what I wish could be. Visiting each other throughout the months, surprise roses to say I miss you, romantic trips, the most sincere intimate time, etc. I want hearts, roses, and experiences.
I know these fantasies will never come to fruition with him, but it is only a fantasy and that’s nice enough for me right now. I’m happiest on my own. Dallas will not be able to change that. He isn’t the right man to change that.