Ashamed.

This is not something I enjoy talking about. Nor is it something I am proud of. I’ve written enough about sugar daddy experiences at this point to make this post. Over all I would never ever suggest any girl pursue a sugar daddy or look for one on the internet.

Its one of the top things I am ashamed of. I was in a really stuff spot and I was scared. Scared I would not make my bills or would not afford the rental car I was stuck in. I didn’t see any other way to pay my bills but to find a man to help me in exchange for intimate encounters. Honestly… Its upsetting to write this post. I’ve thought about it since I started my blog. I want to share how upsetting it is and how much I regret it. But its embarrassing and I truly am so ashamed. 2.13.17

2 hours later… I’m still struggling with this post. I think its something really important for me to write about and share. I am struggling to find the words though. One day when my writing improves I hope to share my blog more publicly and all my stories. This is a post that above all I hope anyone who one day views my blog reads.

I am ashamed I received money from an old creepy man unhappy in his marriage. I am happy I never actually had sex with anyone. I only fooled around a little. Just for clarification there I guess. Everyone talks about finding a sugar daddy as this fun crazy thing. It’s not. It is demeaning and weighs down the soul. I was miserable. Anytime I received an email from my sugar daddy going to explicit detail about fantasies I wanted to vomit. I hated being on my phone because Id have to respond pretending I was interested in the conversation. Having to fake an entire relationship to please a narcissistic man to give you money in return is hard. It is not fun. The gifts are not worth it. I hustled. I needed money and I did what I needed to do at the time. I can honestly say I will never do it again. It was such an awful and upsetting experience that in the future should I ever face such financial hardship again I would rather lose it all that make myself vulnerable to a man for help.

No one should ever feel they are so lost they need to find a disgusting, wealthy, scummy man to help them. There will always be another way.

I’ve learned a lot. Ive experienced a lot. I feel blessed to have grown from this experience and let it affect me in such an enlightening way over letting it ruin me.

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